Where Parker Came From

I just love Parker. He kind of falls into the shadows here on my blog, because Drew is older and has so many extra needs. But Parker is an amazing little guy, and he's such a bright spot in our family. And he has been even since before he arrived.

 
This will possibly sound weird, but I'm 100% certain I'm not the only mother that ever had this kind of experience. After I had Drew, and for several months afterwards, I was completely OVER the whole pregnancy/birth/having babies thing. I was done. I was so bitter about my c-section, so exhausted and fed up with breastfeeding, and colic, and sleepless nights and feeling so clueless and helpless about every minute of my life, that I swore up and down we would never have another baby. Like, okay, I tried it once and wasn't thrilled with the experience, so I just won't be doing that again. And yet, I had this feeling that I would. One more. I felt like there was another child out there for me. Who would be coming later, definitely..... not just right then, but soon enough.

When Drew was 12 months old we started talking about having another baby. Which--looking back on it--seems RIDICULOUSLY soon. What the hell were we thinking? But it was seriously like we were on some kind of path. We had started to have a clue that something was different about Drew but didn't know how, and we really believed that giving him a baby sibling to grow up with, in the long run,  would probably be really good for him.  And I got pregnant when he was just 14 months old.  I cried at night, wondering if we were doing the right thing by Drew because I knew I wouldn't have as much time with him during his twos.  It seems naive, looking back on it. I think you obsess a lot when you only have one child to worry about. In truth, it's not that big of a deal.

 
So anyway, there came Parker. He didn't arrive in the form that I expected. I was 100% certain I was carrying a girl.  I had a girl's name picked out, and girl's bedding and a whole theme for the baby's room.  We went to our ultrasound and the tech said it was a boy and I started crying and cried the rest of the day, actually. The waterworks were endless. I cried for several months after that, in private. Oh well. It all seems so dramatic in retrospect..... but at the time I was really torn up about it. The truth is, it just doesn't matter.

Time heals everything, and by the time I was into the 3rd trimester I was fine with it. His pregnancy was so easy, and everything went so well. When he was born, I had the VBAC I wanted, and it healed all of that unfulfillment that I had with my previous c-section. Whereas for 2 years I had not a day go by that I didn't think about it, and felt the pang of bitterness. After I had Parker and the VBAC, I have rarely thought of that c-section again. It's like it never even happened to me. He healed me in a wonderful way, because I got the birth experience that I wanted, and I have happy memories now.  It was like I called do-overs and was able to correct everything that I hated the first time around. That's good stuff.

 

Now that we're well into the game, I can't imagine not having my kids so close together (despite comments from relatives about how it wasn't a great idea).  Dave surprised me one day recently when he said, "I think the best thing we ever did for Drew was to have Parker." And I have always thought the same thing. For all the therapies that we get him, and all his time at school, nothing is as valuable as having a typically developing role model to live with day in, and day out, at a time when he really needs it the most. I can't even imagine how less effective it would be if we'd had our 2nd child a year or two later. The moment of need would have passed, and things would be so different. Now that Parker is 2 years and 4 months old, he's a a developmental stage that in some ways is not TOO different from where Drew is, from a social and play skills stand point. This puts them very much as peers and they learn so much from each other on a daily basis.  I really think that Drew would not be where he is today if we hadn't had Parker when we did.

He's also good from a momma standpoint. It's thrilling to have a typically developing child. I'm so much more aware of the milestones and the stages, and it's such a relief (and so fun!) to have him hit all his marks when he's supposed to. So cute to hear a child start talking so early, and express himself, and be so funny. It's just nice to have a nice, typical, "normal" experience with your child and be in the moment. We take normal for granted, but it's just such a relief.......a nice, easy thing. And so cheap!!! :D  We often marvel at how Parker says and does things on his own that we've had Drew in therapy for months to be able to do.
 

So as you can see, these two are brothers from somewhere in the universe sent to me to be their momma. Not sure why they picked me, but they came as a package no doubt.

 

Comments

[deb]

Oh my gosh. What sweet pictures. It's funny looking back on things, isn't it? Being a mom the second time around I think you get to enjoy so much more. There is nothing in the world like a sibling bond.

[Sara]

Love this! (I'm still not having another one, though) =)

[mom]

Lovely post!

[Meagan]

Such sweet boys -- and a wonderful Momma, to boot! And I'm sure Dave is awesome, too :-) I hope that these two continue to grow and learn and play together for years and years to come.

Dangerous stuff, though, because now you have me debating whether or not I need a second kiddo in MY life!

[Brooke]

A great post Erika! I think with kids whatever stage is your "here and now" is the BIG deal. But it is funny that when it's over you wonder why it really mattered. We waited so long to have Simon because we were so happy with Brian. We too think that having Simon was the best thing for his big brother. Now I'm at the "do we stop or do we try for one more" stage. I want a girl too, but I kind of feel I'm destined to be a Mumma to boys. And I love that our boys will grow up together.